Feeling down? How and why to stay social - even in self-isolation

Before Covid-19, every Friday night, 21-year-old Ryerson student Kyle Jarencio would meet up with his friends at a local bar to watch the reality TV show, RuPaul’s Drag Race.

“It’s fun watching it together and gives us a chance to hang out,” he said.

When social distancing measures to combat the virus came into effect – you might think the weekly ritual would have come to an end.

But, the group of friends kept it going.

“Instead, we’ll use Zoom or Facetime to watch it together, so we still have that shared experience,” said Jarencio, who’s graduating from RTA’s media production program in June and is also a member of the Student Life team.

Jarencio said his first reaction to self-isolation protocols wasn’t always to be so social.

“At first, I threw myself into my school work. But, I’m a very social person, and as reality started to set in, I realized I needed to find a way to reclaim my social life,” he said, noting he also created a video to help other students who are struggling (external link) .

Jarencio’s efforts to connect with others is exactly what experts say we should be doing.

“We are social creatures,” said Ryerson philosophy professor Diane Enns, who is currently writing a book about loneliness. “Everyone needs the company of other people.”

Whether it’s intimacy with a partner, going for coffee with a colleague or a classmate, or even just exchanging smiles with the fruit vendor at your local market, Enns says that as humans, we naturally crave connection.

When we don’t have it and when we’re without our regular routines, we’re at risk – for loneliness, depression, anxiety and other mental health issues.

At a time of physical distancing and self-isolation, Enns says, “We can’t find that connection in the cafes and public places we used to go to. There is a loss in our social world and we have to find a way to gain that back.”

‘…giving us a way to have hope’

That’s where technology has come into play. From Facetime and Whatsapp video calls, to live video conferencing on Zoom and Google Hangouts, or even the app House Party, people all over the world, like Jarencio and his friends, are turning to technology to connect.

There’s one-on-one chats, live exercise classes, open mic nights and online trivia parties. There’s virtual speed dating, virtual scrabble, virtual anything.

“For a lot of people, like fitness instructors, for example, this is their livelihood. And now, thanks to these platforms, they’re running their classes online. It’s keeping businesses going. It’s giving us a way to have hope at the end of this,” said Ryerson professor Richard Lachman, an expert on digital media and culture in the Faculty of Communication and Design (FCAD).

Lachman says it’s a reminder of the ’90s when the Internet first entered the social sphere.

“There was excitement, like, ‘Hey, we can put people together who share this’, and ‘Hey, I can reach out for free now’. There was a sense of creativity, connection and optimism, rather than what’s surrounded it recently,” Lachman said, noting that just a few months ago, most of the news stories about digital technology were focused on its negative effects.

“We were asking whether the Internet on the whole was good for you, Mark Zuckerberg was before congress, there were concerns about ‘deep fake’ and social media was ripping us apart,” he said.

“Fast forward to now, and most of the stories about social media are all the creative ways to keep in touch,” he said.

Focus on genuine connection

As more and more people use technology to fight social isolation, Lachman says we need to ensure we’re using these platforms in ways that benefit our mental and emotional well-being.

“These technologies can be positive or negative. It’s important to ask yourself, ‘What is the value of this in this moment? Do I feel better now than before I began?” Lachman said.

Enns agrees.

“Social media will help us, but not the social media that’s superficial,” she said.

For instance, a video chat with close friends could provide far more value than aimlessly scrolling an “influencer” account.

That’s something Jarencio – who uses social media daily – has paid close attention to.

“You need to question the value of who you’re following, what that tool looks like for you… It’s being an active spectator of your social media feed and not just a bystander,” he said.

‘Relieving to hear a friend’s voice’

As we continue to fight the pandemic and practice physical distancing, Enns said that while some may find it old school, it’s also important to remember the value of a simple phone call.

“There’s something about hearing that voice on the other end. It allows that direct connection,” she said.

Jarencio agrees, noting that he’s been calling his friends “way more often.”

“I’ll call up a friend when I’m doing an activity, so it feels like we’re doing something together, and that I’m not alone,” he said. “It’s relieving to hear a friend’s voice in this.”
 

Related:

• Mental Health and Well-Being support at Ryerson
• New phase of student support features deeper virtual offerings
• Ryerson Covid-19 information and updates